Jyoti and Sumit had an arranged marriage, but were always happy. She wouldn’t have created two children with him otherwise. Years into her marriage to Sumit, she began to see him in a different light, and not a very flattering one. The respect he once had for her had begun to wear off, and he seemed less and less concerned with her happiness, and even with the kids.
Instead he would go out regularly. Not that Jyoti minded him going out, but not three times a week, and not spending the amount of money that he did. He always seemed a little bit sheepish when he came back, a little bit too nice – like he was overcompensating for something. This nice spell would last for a couple of hours, before fading with his guilt.
Jyoti knew by now that something wasn’t right. This wasn’t the Sumit she married. She confronted him about the possibility of his affair, and he cracked, admitting that he had been seeing another woman, and also admitting that he had seen a woman before that. He was no longer attracted to her however he did not want to break up the family. This seemed unforgivable to Jyoti, and she would have stormed out in a second, had it not been for the children. She would never want to hurt the children. The decision became about a million times harder the second she had that thought.
What If It Happens To You?
What began as a suspicion has now grown into a near certainty. You noticed a change in your husband’s behavior some time ago now, and it has continued to get worse. Late night out, with no decent explanation of where he has been, less interest in you, and even calls and messages from other women, none of which you can identify as being his known friends.
You may have had the will to leave him long ago, had it not been for the factor that makes it all so much harder, which is the children. With a family to nourish and protect, can you really ignore your husband’s infidelity, allowing it all to breeze straight over your head? Of course, you feel you will never be the same with him, but can you keep it together, at least for the children’s sake, and is this really the best choice of action?
First of all, no one would blame you either way. On the one hand, you could never be blamed for wanting to leave a man who has disrespected you, and on the other hand you could never be considered weak for staying with him for the sake of your children. So don’t blame yourself. Try to be rational, even in this time of high emotion, and think about the options carefully.
What situation would the children end up in if you were to leave him. Could you support them and yourself, and would you ultimately be alright, even if it was tough?
Has your husband made amends, or is he continuing with his affairs? Is he abusive in other ways, and a danger to the children? If so, he should be left immediately.
How old are the children? Are they at a particularly vulnerable age? Would it be better to leave dramatic moves for a couple more years, or would they handle it?
How do you feel personally? Can you live with this man anymore?
Expert counselling psychologist Dr Keerti Sachdeva has this to say:
“I have worked with many women who have had this experience, and the hardest issue for any mother is always the children. They are undeniably a factor when it comes to the decision, and there is nothing wrong with wanting what is best for them, but you need to want what is best for everyone, including yourself.”
“Living with infidelity is no life for a respectable wife, and so you should be looking to leave your husband as soon as it is possible, especially if he does not show remorse, and continues his actions. You deserve better than that. There are ways to receive emotional and financial support during this process, for you and your children, so don’t be afraid to contact experts if you need advice, and practical help.”
If you need expert advice on what to do in the case of infidelity, or in a family issue in which children become the center, then please contact our psychologist counselors, who can help you through these difficult times.
Expert advice in this post has been provided by Dr. Keerti Sachdeva and edited by OyeHelp.