As you mature into a long-term relationship, you might begin to realize that love and romance are not fairy tales, and that they don’t always happen exactly how it does in the movies. The days of barely being able to keep your hands off each other may be long gone, and passion tends to wax and wane with the natural cycles of the couple. A happy couple simply knows how to get it back!
Maintaining a physical connection is very important in a relationship, and goes well beyond the fleeting sexual encounters that may (or may not) have defined your teenage years. Love and physical connection are a matter of trust, and sex and sexual play should be finely woven into the tapestry of intimacy in your relationship.
If you need help understanding intimacy, or you are experiencing intimacy issues in your relationship, then please contact our expert relationship counsellors for help and advice.
Here are 7 tips that might help you to restore some of that lost intimacy:
- Have You Talked About It?
Communication is the key to a happy and successful relationship, and if you are experiencing intimacy problems then the first step is to talk with your partner in an honest and open manner. Tell them how you feel, and encourage them to do the same. ‘This is not going to lead to sex‘, is the sort of attitude that will be damaging in this scenario. What communication does lead to, is a deeper sense of security and trust, that serves to strengthen your bond.
- Drop The Expectations!
When you are young, or new to a relationship, your expectations of the other person are likely to be sky-high. It is easy to idealize our partner, and to see only the good in them. After some time of getting to know each other, you begin to realize that they too are only human. At this point it is crucial that you drop your paramount expectations of them, and embrace all aspects of their personality. You should also stop expecting sex from your partner; the pressure is extremely damaging, and not constructive for a healthy sex life. Instead work to understand your partner’s desires, and respond to them intimately.
- Make Your Partner Feel Good
How? Real intimacy comes from a joint feeling of wanting to be close to each other. Real love-making comes from wanting to be so close, that the next level of closeness is only natural. Therefore a forced and detached view of sex is never constructive. Genuine intimacy can lead to genuine encounter, but intimacy and foreplay should never be used as a means to an end. Enjoy your relationship, make your partner happy, and sexuality and intimacy will follow. Take your partner out on a date, do fun things together, relax by the fire, have deep and emotional conversations with each other, and treat each other with care and respect.
- Physical Connection
Intimacy is a manner of physical connection and to strengthen it, a well-rounded and caring approach is needed. Stop pining for sex and focus on the tease and touch. Enjoy building sexual tension with your partner, without giving in to it immediately. Play and flirt with them, wink and nudge them, brush their leg under the table at a dinner party. Enjoy the outrageous fun that you should have. Also remember to nurture your partner, and be intimate in a totally different way; cuddle them and give them compliments. Physical intimacy is not simply an on/off switch; it is being responsive to each other’s physical needs.
- Stuck In A Rut? Experiment!
All couples get stuck in a sexual rut from time to time. It happens. Human beings have a habit for developing habits, and you and your partner might find that your sex life occasionally feels like a broken record playing Tom Jones on repeat until it is no longer exciting. Remember to mix it up a bit! Take your partner by surprise; don’t be afraid to follow your spontaneous urges, and create fun ways to increase the passion. Stay in the moment with your lover, and make love to them as if it were the first time you ever met them.
- Be Comfortable With Yourself
Many sexual problems occur not because of tension in the relationship, though it may appear that way, but through insecurities about oneself. If you do not feel good about yourself, then you won’t be confident and expressive with your partner. Try to live healthily, eat well, exercise plenty, and feel attractive. When you feel attractive, you radiate attraction. When you love yourself, you can love your partner.
- Understand Your Partner
Most of all, a sexual relationship relies on the ability of the individuals involved in understanding each others’ needs, and respecting the boundaries set by one another, while still being open to each other.
If you need help understanding the needs of your partner, or are experiencing intimacy issues that are damaging your relationship, then please seek the advice of our sexologists, or request an online session with trained sex counsellors, who can help you get your relationship back on track.